Gavin and Jasper

Gavin and Jasper were born to two geeks who apparently spend all their time writing about, taking photos of, and videotaping their kids. This is their photo album, video library, development journal, and daily activity blog.

Gavin Matthew
2 years, 8 months old
born January 3, 2008 in Fort Myers, Florida
8 pounds, 6 ounces • 21 inches

Jasper Howard
4 months old
born April 30, 2010 in Raleigh, North Carolina
8 pounds, 1 ounce • 21 1/2 inches

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Robo Nursery

posted by Jeff at 1:51 PM

With all the research and thought we've been putting into what sort of diapers to use (cloth or disposable), we haven't given much consideration as to the actual changing of the diapers. In order to fulfill my duties as a responsible father, I've whipped up a quick sketch of an automated system to facilitate the timely and thorough changing of our little poopBot's diapers.

First off, there is the none-too-casual task of determining when the fruit is ripe for the picking. To this end, I already have a robot that is pretty good at finding and tracking slow-moving mammals. We'll just outfit the little guy with a methane snooper. Upon finding a target, he'll now check the possible baby for what we determine to be a malodorous level of methane.

Now that we've determined the baby is ready for processing, we need to convey the cutie to the diaper changing station. Off the cuff, you may suggest some sort of baby scooping robot to carry the baby into the nursery. Although that would be really fun to build, it would be a tad expensive, so for the time being, we'll just stick with a more simple baited trap. Upon detection of gross gas levels, C-Bot will alert the bait station, which will turn on the baby's favorite Teletubby episode, or some similar gratuitously merry collection of bouncing blobs. The intrigued infant will crawl, toddle, walk, run, or fly to watch the TV, unknowingly placing his- or herself directly in the target zone of the ceiling-mounted gantry crane. A diaper-gripper/remover will extend from the stand of the TV, while the crane will lower and lift the baby right out of the offending diaper.

Robonursery 2

Robonursery 3So, we've got a baby with a dirty bum suspended in the air - where to now? A wash tub, of course! The crane will gently lower the bottom half of the baby into a warm tub of water mixed with Johnson's Baby Shampoo. What could be more comfortable? Perhaps some Jacuzzi-style jets, but we'd better keep the system simple for now :)

Robonursery 4Alright, wet baby, time for a little blow-dry. We'll have some sort of small jet engine mounted to the floor, ready to blow every last H2O molecule off of our baby dearest.

Finally, we need to reapply a diaper. For simplicity's sake, we'll just lower the little guy/gal right into a fresh Pampers.

Robonursery 5

Now, I understand that my proposed system may not be perfect yet. I still have some design work to do on the crane-to-baby interface, for example. The jet engine dryer may also have to be downsized in order to save on fuel costs. Those minor points, along with maybe a few more safety features (grill over the spinning fan blades, force sensors on the crane) put us just a few weeks away from a working prototype. Of course, I'll need an increase in my monthly robot budget...

 

Kristen said... It's amazing the differences between Jeff and Traci's blog entries - Jeff's being the ultra-comical and Tra's the inspiration-filled. :) You guys should publish!

Phyllis said... Shall I assume Jeff won't be getting any new shirts for a while?

Cynthia said... lol...i think you're going to have to go way beyond your clothes budget, jeff... ;)

Jeff said... Yes, Burt and I (Burt will follow me anywhere) will have to file a motion to move robot spending out of my clothing budget and into a combined uber-budget with the baby stuff.

Cynthia said... from Tracye:

Oh, and I thought of a great idea for Jeff and Traci to incorporate into their automated childcare system. It's not a robot, so it might not excite him, but he could possibly alter it to be more robot-like. My idea is a hamster ball for babies. I thought of it today when Giovanni was enjoying playing inside a cylindrical, clear mesh hamper. As long as stairs were blocked, the hamster ball would allow free movement while keeping the baby from grabbing fragile, dangerous, or otherwise forbidden objects. Also, it would be fun.

Vicki said... Jeff, this all sounds perfectly right to me. Oh, but don't forget the powdering the bum previous to insertion into the diaper. A pre-powdered diaper just won't do.

Dianna said... This method will work AFTER the baby becomes mobile, but couldn't you just have a pre discharge sensor attached to the diaper/training pants that would allow the robot or perhaps Burt to lure the little one to a potty chair?
And for the premoblity stage: how about a carwash type system: insert baby at one end....

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